That is when I got the faith that
‘Jesus blood has already washed my sins as white as snow’
[사진설명] 영국 웩(WEC)선교회의 케이스글라스 선교사와 중학교 시절의 박옥수 목사
Due to my mother’s influence, I lived a diligent church life since my childhood, but I did not know the exact Gospel, so I did not have peace in my heart and suffered from my sins for a long time. When I was in Middle School, the first missionary to Korea, Kays Glass, of WEC (Worldwide Evangelistic Crusade; founder Charles Studd), visited the church I attended and taught English and preached the Word. Because of that we naturally spent time together. One day, while he was preparing to go out for witnessing, I told him that I would join him. That's when Kays Glass asked me “Are you saved? How can you tell others to be saved, when you are not saved either?” His question gave me a chance to reflect on the vague thoughts I had concerning my soul before God ‘I might go to heaven if I go to church, pray and pay my tithes.’
One day, when I was facing many conflicts and sufferings because of sin, I realized that Jesus washed all my sins while reading the bible. However, during a revival meeting at my church, the pastor gave us two testaments about salvation.
First, the moment we receive salvation, all the sins we have committed come to mind in a series of flashbacks. Second, when you are saved, you will not remember the sins you have committed. That was a lie and not according to the Bible, but because of that, I suffered for two years. The Bible clearly says that my sins were forgiven, but according to that Pastor, I didn’t receive salvation. I suffered because I wasn’t sure whether it was right that my sins were washed away or if Pastor’s words were right. I should have opened the Scriptures to confirm which was the Word of God, instead, I was confused, because I believed both were the Word of God.
One day, when the chapel was empty, I felt so terrible that I kneeled down in front of the podium in the evening and prayed to God waiting for his response: “God, I want to know whether my sins are washed away or not. If my sins were washed away, please tell me just once ‘They are washed away!’" However, no matter how long I waited, I could not hear God’s voice but only the sounds of the rat running on top of the ceiling. Even after praying earnestly for several days, I could not hear that voice. I thought, 'God has forsaken me! I'm an abandoned man!' Even after time passed, I was still suffering because of my sins, but strangely, while praying, I thought 'My sins were forgiven.' I believed it inside my heart and that's when I confirmed my salvation.
As time passed by, the Word flowed into my heart, and the range of salvation widened. At first, I only knew that all my sins had been washed away, but now I have learned a lot about the mysteries of forgiveness found throughout the Bible. I found out that the blood of the cross proved the forgiveness of my sins. I also learned that there is a connection between the sacrifices of Leviticus and the story of John baptizing Jesus and the fact that the sin of the world was handed over to Jesus. Furthermore, I realized that Jesus Christ became the eternal high priest. Now a strong pillar of faith has been erected in my heart which cannot be shaken no matter what anyone says. However before then, my heart was often shaken.
The important thing is God’s words of promise.
The important thing is the recorded promise that my sin has been washed away by the blood of the cross. Anything other than what is recorded can neither be our savior, nor can it be a proof. At times when we sin even after being saved, when it’s hard to pray, when the words of the Bible does not enter our heart and although we fall into temptation and the world seems good in our eyes, we must remember that these do not have anything to do with our salvation. When you receive salvation and you shed a lot of tears, if you believe that tears are a sign of salvation, that person then believes in his tears and not the Word of God. If a person is sure of his salvation because he is full of the spirit, that person believes in his state of being full of the spirit and not the Word of God. True faith does not depend on our image, what our situation is like, whatever the devil says. It is to only believe in the Word of God that is recorded in the Bible.
Many people are waiting for a sure salvation, and a sure Word but if they are waiting for the Word to bring absolute clarity into my heart, a Word that makes them feel like they are floating, then, it will be quite hard for any Word to enter their heart. But, the Bible has not recorded a ‘sure word’ but only the ‘Word of God’ is recorded. We receive salvation through the word of God that has promised us and there is no other way to receive faith except to receive the Word. I was nothing when I was in missionary school and there were no great and amazing works that appeared through me. Since I was a person who was often in two minds, weak-minded and miserable, I could only rely on the Word of God and believe in it.